Monday, June 30, 2008

How to Stay Single Without Really Trying

The best ways to meet women:

When I was in my twenties, I met all my girlfriends in bars. We were all there. It was our social network. Many of the girls I dated back then, have grown into wildly successful women. I did know how to pick 'em, just didn't have a clue how to hold on to them.

Once you're in your thirties, the women you meet in bars, have a much lower chance of attaining wild success. And by the time you are in your forties, the wild success ship has pretty much sailed. Of course there is the occasional fluke, the I only go out with my friends once every two years, and this is the night, kind of fluke, but lets be realistic. The over forty hanging out the bar crowd is probably not the "A" group.

There are friends of friends, but you have to be careful with that, because if things turn sour, you could be giving up your friends who were slightly more entrenched with her than you, and inviting you both to gatherings, would just be awkward.

There's the Internet. There are tons of "lesbian" dating sites now. I have yet to have one of these adventures turn out well. First there's the email stage. I usually don't make it past this stage because my sense of humor doesn't play well in an email to someone who's never met me. They don't know how to take me, and get all weirded out. I actually had one woman claim I frightened her. Yes, frightened, through email, wow, that's how smooth an operator I can be.
My way of resolving this was trying to meet someone as quickly as possible after the initial interest was shown.

"Hi, Yes I do have my own business, and my boss is an asshole. I think it's great that you love long walks on the beach, and starry nights, and fireplaces. Who the hell doesn't? We should meet!"

I was able to do this with limited success, and upon meeting the women, found I was not impressed, and never feel the need to give false hope, so I kept the meetings short and sweet. "Nice to meet you...bye."

I met one woman who was attractive, which I liked. She had a five year old boy, which I liked. She was nice, and we seemed to hit it off. She was a bit weird, but I chalked it up to nerves. We saw each other a few times, and the weirdness never went away, the odor of desperation crept in, and it occurred to me that she was not the sharpest tool in the shed, also she didn't get my humor, even after meeting me. Not good! After I told her I didn't think it was going to work, I saw a new psycho-scary-head-revolving side of her, that I kind of liked, but still, I thought I'd made the right decision.

There are activities one enjoys, mine is golf. I golf in a women's league. There are 160 women in the league, about a third are gay, and a small percentage of those are single. I haven't made any headway there at all. Of all the women, I really only interact within the same 16 each week, and one of them is me!

There's my job. I meet women, usually women who own a home together, not singles loaded with money who own their home and want the kitchen remodeled, and think I'm all that!

The grocery store hasn't really been paying off, and neither has the driving range, or the ATM machine. I can't really meet anyone at the gas station, because I'm usually weeping while I pump, and those are about all the places I go.

I think over 40 speed dating would be fabulous. I could have 15 or 20 first dates in one night. I can tell within 5 or 2 minutes, or whatever the time frame is that you talk to each participant, if that is someone I'd like to know more about or not.

I'd only have to get dressed up in "first date wear" once, for all those first dates! That's huge!

I haven't heard about this kind of thing taking place around here, although I'm sure I can't imagine why not. I may have to actually be the one to organize it, just so I can do it, that seems like a lot of work, so I'll probably just bitch about it on my blog!


Baino said...

I share your frustration. It's the same for hetero singles. I'm 50, widowed and hanging out in bars just isn't an option so it's the single life for me. I don't care much for men my age, they have hair growing out of their ears and they've usually got a young thing or a mail order bride hanging of their arm anyway! My mother used to say, you can't go looking for love, . . .so I haven't!
Maybe you should do the speed dating thing!

comfortandjoy said...

RM: You should go to bars and score a 20 something girl. Problem solved.


TheWeyrd1 said...

They do an over 35 speed dating thing here once in awhile...I haven't tried it though. I feel the same way about the online thing, although I met my last girlfriend that way. The bar thing totally doesn't work out well at our age. And CJ, despite what 20 somethings say about wanting older women for girlfriends...they NEVER pay you any mind at the bar unless you look like a model...even if they want a butch...the butch over 40 better be a

comfortandjoy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
comfortandjoy said...

Weyrd1: I am 20 something and never had a girlfriend under 36. You just haven't been hanging with the right 20 somethings. :)

And I'm willing to bet the Mojo could score a 20 something girl. Whaddya think? Should we place our bets and throw her to the baby dykes?

RED MOJO said...

baino, I disagree with your mom, you can look for it, you just can't find it!

cj and theweyrd1, you are both right! A twenty something from the bar could be a good catch.

It is hard for a 40-something to catch a 20-something, but I am hot!

I guess the problem is when I'm seventy-something, and she's fifty-something, she might not be happy any longer and the thought of finding a new girlfriend at seventy-something scares the depends off me.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I cringe for anyone who is looking for a partner in today's climate, gay or straight. I wouldn't agree about the 20 year olds if you didn't have an excellent college nearby with very bright young women because you have to be able to talk to them, too.

There must be a speed dating thing there. You live in Lesbian Central.

RED MOJO said...

heartinsanfrancisco, yeah,it's fun in the trenches! I'm actually pretty happy staying out of them for now!

TheWeyrd1 said...

Red...I use that exact same argument all the time with those 20 somethings I meet online...and they all say they wouldn't leave their older girlfriend/wife in their time of need...I say...uh huh...right.

Certain Magician said...

My adorable little marble is in her twenties, and I am in my forties. I would not presume that all twenty somethings lie, nor would I presume that any woman of any age will want to be around me when I'm in my seventies. I'm not going to let that prevent me from enjoying my forties the fullest! ;)

Anonymous said...

Certain Magician: just wondering, but how full ARE your forties when they are full of a girl in her twenties??

Certain Magician said...

anonymous, Alas, but they are not full of her. I don't get to see her as often as I'd like. Sadly, we are separated by a great distance. We spend our time making up for lost time, we may never catch up!
If you have any further curiosity, feel free to visit my blog, or email me, so red doesn't get a bee in her bonnet! ;)

RED MOJO said...

theweyrd1, As reasonable as I'd like to think I can be around relationships, I pretty much follow my heart in these matters. Ideally, one woman from now until the big dirt nap would be best, but who knows what will happen!

Certain, You go girl! Woot!

anonymous, any feelings about my blog post at all...anything?

Certain, thank you, now git!

Anonymous said...

Red: your post inspired me to think about how much fun 20 something girls can be. And to envy Certain. So thank you. Now get your ass out there and find a girl in her 20s!

citizen of the world said...

A recurring thought when I read your posts: it's not so different. Well,some issues are particular, but not the difficulty of being in the dating world. I looked into the speed dating reason for many of the same reasons, but they were always limited to a 20-30's crowd. I onviously cant meet anyone through my work. (Dating your patients is frowned upon. And illegal. And a little creepy.) Match seems to be riddled with players. had one bad round with eharmony, and then one very good. So who knows? It's a crap shoot.

RED MOJO said...

anonymous, thanks for the support.

cit, yeah. I think love is love and finding it can be difficult no matter who you are.