A Letter To Ellen...(First Draft)

Dear Ellen,

You don't me, but I know you. I have fallen on hard times, but that's not new or unusual these days. I write because I have a dream, and I need your help making it a reality.

Some Background: About five years ago, I resigned from my corporate career to start my own business. I am an artist, and I'd finally figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up, or at least narrowed it down. I started my home remodeling business, but designing and building custom furniture, both free standing and built-ins was my passion. I moved from California to New England, where I'm from originally, because I had a big job there to start off with. I bought a house and built a workshop. Things started off pretty well. I got lots of referral business and repeat business, and it looked like I was going to make it. I don't have to tell you what happened next. I had taken on too much debt, and business ground to a halt. I lived alone with my dogs, neither of them had a job! The good that came out of it was I got to move back to California! The not so good, my house went into foreclosure, I had to sell my flawless Indian Chief motorcycle, and I went into a deep depression. My life's savings including my 401K depleted.

The Present: I have been back in Sacramento looking for work since mid February, and aside from a little home-handyman stuff here and there, I've found nothing. That's not why I'm writing you.

The Dream: I'm writing you because after 48 years of life, I have finally found the love of my life in Caroline Welsh. I have always believed in true love, and thought it must be out there somewhere, and now I know I was right. Here's where it gets sticky. Caroline lives in Cambridge, England. We are trying to figure out a way for her to come here and live with me. I would marry her, but it seems the people of California are not done with bigotry as the state pastime. For her part, she has quit smoking and uses the money she would have spent on cigarettes, on airfare to come visit me. We want to make a life and grow old together, is that asking too much?

The Shameless Begging: I know as influential as you are, there is still probably nothing you can do in an afternoon to make marriage legal for everyone, but maybe you could find a job for Caroline, so she can get her green card. She is currently a security guard for Huntsman International. She's good at guarding things, so maybe you need your studio, or parking space, or bike rack, guarded by a top notch guard. She's practically a ninja! A job for me as well, would be a bonus!

The Reality: Ellen, I know you'd help if you could, so please don't feel bad if you can't. I think you like helping others as much as I hate asking for help. If it were just me, I'd just take my lumps, but I'll do anything for the woman I love.

The Kissing Up: I'm a huge fan and have been ever since I first saw you do stand on HBO in 1989. You are so uplifting, and I watch you everyday while I get my exercise rowing on an erg. Keep up the good work!

Sincerely, Red Mojo

PS. Find a video I made for Caroline attached, with our heads photo-shopped onto your and Portia's bodies.

Does Everything Happen For A Reason?

Yes, yes it does!

No doubt some of you recall the post a couple months ago about hearts and women and opportunites thrown away or lost. At my lowest low I wrote a very funny, but very wise friend about my dilemma, and this was her reply:

"Just say no to anti-depressants. If you're torn between two women, neither one is the right one. Leave them both and drop the pills. This Dr Phil moment has been brought to you by Paxil."

I did not like hearing that at the time, but knew deep down that she probably was right. Since that time, I have gone off the anti-depressants and met the woman I intend to marry. This may be news to her, so baby, if you're reading this...wait! Come back!

Yes, I do believe that things happen for a reason. I do believe that my belief all these years in true love, was not in vane. I am happy! What I mean to say is... I AM HAPPY!!! I have found what I was beginning to think I never would. I am in love and it feels wonderful. I have no doubts, and no fear. Now all I need is a job.

Job Search...Ridiculous Add!

Here is the add as posted:

Painter needed for small 2 story home in north highlands. Home must be pressure washed, all loose paint scraped off with a wire brush and repainted. Exterior only. This is work for a licensed contractor. Flat price of $500 cash for the job. I will supply the body paint, trim paint, and $30 for tape, plastic, etc. All fascia, window and door trim to be trim paint. Must show proof of license and insurance.

• Location: North Highlands
• Compensation: $500 cash labor only flat rate
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

I am looking for work, and I do paint houses inside and out. Last summer for instance, I painted a 2 story historical home in Connecticut. I power washed, and scraped, and sanded, and primed, and painted, and had to hire a helper to schlep the scaffolding around with me, and feed the paint hose, etc. The customer bought the paint, I supplied the tape and plastic. And I charged him $10,000.00. That was a good price. This is joke! I responded to the add in this manner: Hi, I saw your add in Craigslist for a licensed insured contractor to supply all the labor to wash, scrape and paint your two story home. I think you might have forgotten a zero on the compensation, and may want to correct the add. If you have not forgotten a zero, I would be glad to do the work for you, but as well as supplying the paint and $30 for plastic and tape, you'll also need to supply the labor. If this is acceptable to you, please contact me regarding payment arrangements.

No Country For Old Men : A Review

(The fourth row: right right up right left up down down. )

This is not a timely review, just a review...mainly because, I feel like I have to say something!

Okay, if you haven't seen this movie yet, and you still think you want to, I am going to spoil the plot, but not the movie...that has been done for you already. I watched this film, mostly because of all the Oscar nominations, and found it...Unworthy!

Here is a partial write up by By Ilari Valbonesi on January 17th, 2008:

"The story begins when Llewelyn Moss (BROLIN) finds a pickup truck surrounded by a sentry of dead men. A load of heroin and two million dollars in cash are still in the back.
When Moss takes the money, he sets off a chain reaction of catastrophic violence that not even the law – in the person of aging, disillusioned Sheriff Bell (JONES) – can contain. As Moss tries to evade his pursuers – in particular a mysterious mastermind who flips coins for human lives (BARDEM) – the film simultaneously strips down the American crime drama and broadens its concerns to encompass themes as ancient as the Bible, and as bloodily contemporary as this morning’s headlines."

Well, maybe Ilari and I didn't watch the same movie. The money wasn't still in the back, it was really kinda far away from the whole mess of dead men, dogs and pick-ups.
The mysterious "mastermind" is a smart but awkward bad guy, often lugging around a giant cylinder of compressed air, who remains eerily calm during the whole thing, talking, killing, performing surgeory on himself...no emotion, no acting really, unless you count acting bored out of your skull like you're standing in line at the DMV, acting.

I must've blinked when the biblical themes came up, unless it related to how you're not supposed to kill...what's that one...?

The worst part was about three quarters of the way through the movie, the hero, gets killed. Maybe I like my movies too formulaic, but for me, when the hero dies, the story's over. But the movie went on. The sheriff discussed growing old, and the wife of the hero was killed, because the "mastermind" told the dead guy he'd do it, and didn't want to break his promise, I guess. Then the killer was in a car crash with someone who ran a red light, but paid a kid for his shirt, which he used to support his arm, and limped away before the police got there.
At the end the sheriff is telling his (I'm guessing here) wife, that he dreamt about his dad last night, he talked about the dreams...the end.

We are left not knowing what happened to the money. Wondering why the movie didn't end when it ended, only to go on to this disconnected stopping point. It almost felt like, they didn't really know how to end it, and someone working on a different movie walked by the room, and dropped some notes on the floor. Someone courteously retrieved them, but the rushing figure was already around the corner, out of sight, so they used what was there as the ending.

Maybe it was supposed to be more like real life then your typical movie, but I live in real life, and that's not why I watch movies.

The Small Print

This is an add for a dating site. This picture, under the heading: "Is She Out There?"

Wow!

Is She?

Good Add!

Makes me want to join!

Then you get to the part where it inevitably says something like, 'Not typical of the singles in your area' or ' Your results may vary' or 'hahahaha, gotcha!'

Oh well, good add though.

A little help please...

Came to blow the dust off my blog. I have neglected it terribly. It's not that I don't want to write, or share, I've just been a little hung up.

Without going into too much detail, let's just say that when you're "on the fence" between two women, if you take too long to jump to one side or the other, you might just slip and fall, impaling yourself there, and feeling the life slip from your body as you watch them both disappear from view. I hope that wasn't too metaphorical!

I find myself wading through the psychological minefield, of being unemployed for months, unable to pay my bills or support myself. Feeling like a burden, having a broken heart, in two places, and hating my own guts. Now might not be the best time to stop taking the anti-depressants.

I'm finding that I've grown sick of feeling sorry for myself, and sick of the impostor that seems to have inhabited my shell. I don't know who she is, and I don't like her! I want my life back!

I need the me that is in perpetual motion. The one that can't sit still. The one that moves mountains everyday, as a matter of course. The fearless one, who bets it all on herself. Where is she? The search has begun. I'll keep you posted!

Job Hunting vs. Starvation

I don't mind working at all, but looking for a job is the worst torture known to mankind. First, there's updating the resume. If you're fortunate, you have a copy of the last resume you used, and you can just add the newest information to it. If you're like me, and you're on your third laptop since the last job hunt, you have nothing, and have to start at the beginning.

How much job history do they need? They probably don't need to know I was a lifeguard when I was 18, but my job, before I started my own company, lasted ten years. So that's two jobs in the last fourteen years. But two jobs on your resume looks a little...empty. Should I stretch that information with lots of detail, or go further back into stuff that really doesn't apply? What does apply?

I've jumped from the middle of one ladder to the bottom of the next over and over again. I'm a fidgety employee. I've worn many hats. I pick things up quickly, and when I'm really good at them, I get bored and want to try something else. I've gone from waiting tables and tending bar, to soldiering, then electronics and computers. Then back to the restaurants as a cook, then Sous Chef, then back to electronics, and alarm systems. From installing alarms, to the Technical Manager of the Northwest Region for Honeywell. I quit that and started my own Home Remodeling business. It's as if my right and left brain have been fighting for total domination and it's a tie. So...what am I looking for?

It's hard to work for someone else, once you've been your own boss. It's hard to go from owner of the company, to grunt, so hard, I can't do it.
If I'm going to be at the bottom, it's got to be at something new, graphic design, real estate, or something else I'm interested in, but haven't done yet.

A dream job would be a location scout for the movies, or test driving Harley Davidsons right off the assembly line. A photo-journalist, or the quirky but likeable host of a DIY show, that becomes a household name and then makes tons of money endorsing Porter Cable or Delta tools. A very successful writer, who writes under a pseudonym and therefore, never does interviews or book signings...or what I was trying to do before the economy killed my dream, designing and building custom furniture. I had hoped to come up with a trademark signature. Something I could incorporate into all my pieces that told everyone that that was an original "RED MOJO" and one of a kind. Everyone who's anyone would want one, and I'd have a waiting list of clientele that read like the who's who of the Hollywood "in" crowd.

But, reality continues to ruin my life. I went onto some internet job sites to look for a job. I set up the parameters: Not willing to relocate, 0% travel, and typed in the keyword "remodel" I got a list of 100% matches that included, "Film extra" (stand in the background of films for $250 a day) and "Truck Driver" for some local trucking company. Now I might not be the brightest bulb on the tree, but wouldn't driving a truck include some sort of travel? Unless they want me to do donuts in the parking lot for eight hours a day...

Needless to say, it has been a frustrating process, but I'll keep plugging away, and just like trying to keep your big toe from pushing it's way through that hole in your sock...even if you walk funny, eventually it's going to happen.