Thursday, March 20, 2008

Working for Hallmark

I've been told that I could write for Hallmark. I thought I'd put together a little portfolio of ideas I have for cards to show the Hallmark people, to see if they would consider hiring me as a writer.
I wanted to run them by you first, in case you have any helpful suggestions.
(not really looking for advice)

Love and Romance

Front: Our Love is like the ocean...
Inside: When I'm on the bottom, I can't breathe.

Front: Waking up next to you is the best part of my day
Inside: Man! I had a shitty day!


Front: Congratulations Graduate!
Inside: Welcome to the real world. Have your shit out of here by the end of the week.

Missing You

Front: Since you've been away...
Inside: At least five chicks have tried to make out with me.

Get Well

Front: A little bird told me you haven't been feeling very well...
Inside: For in-depth instruction, and helpful hints, please feel me immediately!


Slip said...

The trouble with Hallmark is their limited range of events.How about some real life greeting cards.

(Outside) Picture of a man in a barrel held up by suspenders.

Have a happy divorce!

(Inside) The screwing you got is not worth the screwing you get!
(Outside) Picture of a pretty woman

Sorry to hear about your yeast infection!

(Inside) When will the bread be ready?

(Outside) Picture of a corpulent, balding, man.

I hope you are feeling swell.

(Inside) Because I heard your prostrate did!

RED MOJO said...

slip, your comments are funnier than my post! Do your own!

VE said...

Those are hillarious. Good post. I've got to remember to check in on this blog too. I only have your other one linked...

Baino said...

Very funny . . there's a niche market just waiting to happen!

TheWeyrd1 said...


RED MOJO said...

ve, thanks buddy. I like to see you sunbathing on both of my blogs!

baino, you think?!

theweyrd1, I hope you're snickering with me and not at me!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Hallmark definitely needs some molasses removal. Yours and Slip's are both very funny.

I once did a line of gay and feminist cards, but nobody wanted them.

One had a picture of a drag queen with the caption, "I want to be Barbie -- the bitch has everything."

My favorite Christmas card had a classic picture of the holy family on the front, and inside it said, "It's a girl!"

Since we were then living in the Bible Belt, I think I came out ahead in that nobody shot me.

RED MOJO said...

heartinsanfrancisco, makes me sad you didn't sell those cards. Maybe now that your in San Francisco, you should try again, you have a much more receptive market!

Jonah K. Haslap said...

I knew you were a sentimental fool at heart.

Baino said...

Poor Heart . . I think you've been pipped at the post

RED MOJO said...

jonah, that's me! Actually the hard snarky outside is protecting a very soft gooey center. shhhh.

baino, that does appear to be similar wording. Once something that witty and that much fun to say gets out, it gets around quickly!

citizen of the world said...

One year on Mother's Day I sent my mither the very same card my mother sent her mother. It said, "You've been like a mother to me." Apparently we both have a warped sense of humor about the day.