I am still very passively connected to two online dating sites. One I haven't joined yet, so I can't communicate with anyone, but I can see who my matches are. I have no picture posted, that always slows things way down too. The other I have my profile hidden so no one even knows I'm there. I just skulk around, I never see anyone that interests me enough to come out of hiding.
The site that makes matches for me, also lets people tell me they're interested, but no one who's been interested has been of interest to me. One of them looked like she had some 80's hair-do, and was wearing some time warp outfit too. Another one just looked old. She was one year older than me, and she looked like one of my mother's friends!
"God, do I look that old?" I asked my friend.
"No, you don't look like that, and you dress younger too, not inappropriately young, just not old."
she correctly answered.
It got me thinking. I have not met many women my age that interest me. I've never had that issue before. I've always been with women that are within four years of me, some more, some less. Now, I'm looking at women ten or more years younger as my desirable age group. Why? Is it because I have not matured, and need someone who can't see that? Is it because I don't think someone my age is going to be able to, or want to satisfy my sex drive? Is it because I think I am so much more vital and alive than I think most women my age are? Maybe it's because I don't do frumpy?
When women get to the age, my age, where fat just makes itself at home because it's too hard to lose, and clothing shifts from jeans and hoodies, to stretchy pants and blouses. When comfort becomes more important than style, and practicality rules over spontaneity. That's when they lose me. I have a feeling I'm not going to age gracefully. I plan to fight it all the way, exercising, dieting, dressing and feeling young. I don't want to be with someone who makes me feel old.
There is a clothing store in the town where I live full of clothing designed by Eileen Fisher. This is an example of what I am talking about. These clothes were made with frumpy in mind! They can make even a beautiful professional model look like a sack of potatoes. I'm sure the people who wear them chant the refrain, "Oh, but they're soooooo comfortable."
Halloween came early this year!
Yes, you can be thin and in great shape, or gain up to thirty pounds and still look exactly the same in these outfits. Forgiving and sexy!
Wear it to:
The Library
The Coffee Shop
Yoga
A Funeral
A Cocktail Party
Political Fundraisers
Trick or Treating
Around the House
Book Club
Farmer's Market...etc.
(Not recommended for meeting women. Please be in a secure relationship before purchasing our clothing)
15 comments:
hahaha rm!
since eileen fisher is jb's very favorite store, i let her know she's flunked the fashion test. and me too. now we won't know what to wear to the s-------, where we love to meet you for dinner here and there!
honestly, i don't think it's an age thing at all (probably because i'm older than you, not younger). i think it's a COOL HIP thing, and i don't have the heart to tell my overweight body otherwise...
:)
I have this issue. I don't want to look like a kid, exactly, but I don't want to be consigned to wearing potato sacks. I'm not ready for frumpy! Not even close.
"No, you don't look like that, and you dress younger too, not inappropriately young, just not old."
Hahahaha I like this friend.
kj, I realize there are women that adore this store and these clothes. You two are in a relationship! I'm still looking, and that look just doesn't appeal to me as far as someone I'd like to start a romantic relationship with, or something I'd want to wear.
cit, I've seen some of the stuff you wear, and I like it. You are not even close to frumpy!
benjamin, Everyone needs a friend like her!
No fashion plate myself, but if I were looking to start a new relationship, clean jeans and tee shirt without too many stains or holes in it would work for me. As for shoes I would make every effort to kick most of the mud off my boots.
slip, You are a gentleman indeed! I'm about the same, but for going out, I gussy it up by changing from work boots, to something with a little bit of a sheen, like my motorcycle boots!
Sheesh Red...I could have written that! Well, except the part about Eileen Fisher's fashions...I'm like "WHO?" I think we might be a tad influenced by watching too much L Word. The problem with that show is that I can't (or don't want to) afford the cool fashions that some of the gals wear, nor could I pull off some of those looks without losing several pounds. The other challenge is that it seems like many women over 40 are rather settled into their lives and don't "appear" as open to having an active (read fun) lifestyle. Funny thing about that is, I'm ready to "settle down" with someone, but not into the idea of sitting at home vegging out with someone. Hence, the gals in their 30's seem more vital and attractive. Of course, conversely, they might be looking at us and think...ewwwww an old lady...settled down and boring. Kind of a vicious circle. I've figured out that it's time to just go do the things I was "saving" for when I have a girlfriend. That way I maintain my own vitality. And frankly, I might actually MEET someone with similar interests instead of relying on personals. But I still have an ad...just in case...lol
I can totally relate to your quandary. I have always been drawn to partners and friends who were considerably younger than I.
My husband is 13 years younger. It has never been relevant and people say we look about the same age. (I tell them it's because I'm so immature.) I don't try to look younger, which may be a factor; also, they don't make house dresses in my size.
There are women like you out there. You won't ever have to settle for dowdy old ladies.
i so agree with theweyrd1 and heart. when i finally started doing things i liked to do, i started meeting compatible people--including friends.
funny, i don't think about age that much. maybe it is because i am snugly in a good relationship, but i have friends and important people in my life ranging from 22 to 85. my motto: put yourself where you want to be, then see what happens. as for dress, i'm a hypocrite to say it--sweatshirt girl that i am these days--i don't care how someone dresses as long as it some some style to it. i say keep your options wide open rm and don't get fenced in by age or clothing style. you never know: most people end up with someone quite unlike what they were looking for!!
:)
theweyrd1, I agree, settled but not sedintary. I'm with you on all of that! A nice long comment too, I hope this means you're feeling better.
heartinsanfrancisco, Thanks, you always know what to say!
kj, You're right, I know there are exceptions to every rule, that's why I don't have any rules, you know, except the gender thing.
Not much to add here other than I'm not so much frumpy as 'casual'. The problem down here is that if you're carrying a little 'weight' anything above a size 14 (Aussie not US) seems to have been fashioned from some 1960's psychedelic curtain fabric! I'm 50 but definitely young at heart and have friends from 19 - 65 . . age is in the head . . (and in the mirror sadly, so I've smashed all of mine!)
baino, so how many years of bad luck does that add to?
When I think about myself, and dream about myself, my self image is in the 18-24 year old range. I guess that's when my "grown up" personality jelled. Unfortunately, that's also when my image of what my Mom looks like became fixed. So now that time has marched on, I look at so called "age appropriate" woman and I think they look like my Mom (discounting the ones who look like my Grandmother). That's really hard to get interested in.
Anonymous, I am so with you on that. It is probably really messed up, but I really don't even want to date anyone my age. Ewww. That's got to be wrong! lol
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