this post is dedicated to cj...This was the end of innocence. I'd kissed a woman! I'd been to a bar, had beer, lied to my parents, things would be different from this day forward. That had all happened on a Monday night, yes...a school night. I'd had Katie, and that kiss on my mind for every excruciatingly long minute of everyday, until the weekend finally arrived. She didn't have a phone, so I'd surprise her. I got on my trusty ten-speed, and rode the twenty two miles to the college. My feelings for her could have propelled me to the moon, if that's what it would take to see her again. I didn't know how to get there without spending a little time on the highway. I knew I wasn't supposed to be on it, on my bicycle, but I figured once I was on it, the worst that could happen is a cop might pick me up and take me to the nearest exit, which is where I was going anyway. I might've been wrong about that, but we'll never know, because no one did stop me. I rode like the wind, to the soft sweet lips of my new love.
When I got there, she wasn't there, but was expected back soon. Her roommate I'd met the night of her game, allowed me to come in and wait. She was very nice, and sat and talked to me. She pulled out a bong and took a hit, offered it to me, I politely declined. I was familiar with the stuff because my older sister was something of a pot-head, and got me stoned when I was all of twelve. I had decided after that, that pot wasn't for me. I was an athlete, and I wanted to be healthy.
When Katie arrived home, she wasn't alone. She introduced me to her friend, and expressed her surprise at seeing me. She asked me if I'd like to go for a walk and excused herself. She explained that the woman she'd just introduced me to, was her lover, and she apologized for misleading me with that kiss. She explained that she was attracted to me, and flattered by my attention, but she'd made a mistake. I was crushed. We walked back to the apartment, I saw pieces of my heart caught in the treads of her sneakers being mashed into the ground with each step. My legs became heavy. All I could feel was the cavity where my heart had been, growing larger and larger. I knew I had to get home before it consumed me completely, and the ride home, was ten times longer than the ride there had been.
14 comments:
Oooh!
ouch. i'm on the other side of this coin: i would hold back for fear of rejection. i'm glad/hope you've recovered.
:)
awwww...Well you know what they say about it being better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
ces, yeah.
kj, I try not to let fear keep me from the things I want.
theweyrd1, Yes, I have heard that.
That girl, your first kiss, she watched you walk away. And the walk back into the house to her lover was a long one. I love that you went there...big hope, small fear.
Awww . . . see, it doesn't matter whether you're gay or straight the same heartbreaking moments happen to us all . . .thanks for sharing.
cj, I never really thought about it that way, but I believe you're right. Thank you, your insight is appreciated.
baino,Yes, I think love is the same for everyone. You're welcome.
So sad. Like all true rites of passage.
You were very brave as only the very young can be. It's really a wonder that any of us survive our first heartbreak.
Oh, man. Young love is so intense.
But to answer your earlier question, in my opinion if a straight girl practiced kissing with a girlfreind before she kissed a boy, then yes, it absolutely would count as her first kiss. Because what if you are bisexual - then which one would count? A kiss is a kiss. If anything, you should be able to discount the first one if it happened under unpleasant circumstances with a stupid drunk boy you did not like AT ALL. Um, did I just say that out loud?
heart, The first time you feel such an emotional high, you don't think at all about the equal and opposite but much longer lasting emotion that awaits.
Cit, Okay, since you're going to be a stickler, I'm just going to lay down the law. My "first kiss" is the first time I kissed a woman, that's it, my blog, my rules.
Yours can be the one after the stupid drunk boy.
Noooooooooooooo!!
Well, I think you've answered your "what do we do for the other forty-five" question - find true love with someone who's not cheating on their current squeeze. I would so go see that movie...
roro, yes, I'm sure I could fill a two hour movie with the trials and tribulations of trying to find true love. *sigh*
That is why they call them crushes. I guess. So sad to hear that story - but still, it shaped you.
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