Sunday, January 20, 2008

Off Online Dating


When I became single for the first time in 10 years, and moved back to an area of the country I had not lived in for 25, I considered online dating a reasonable option for meeting other single lesbians. First I just browsed, just looking...thanks. Finally I found a woman I wanted to meet enough, for me to actually pay the fee to join the service. I emailed her, and she answered, I emailed back, this went on for a short while and then she had a family emergency and asked me to continue to email her even though she would not be able to respond for some time. I did for a while, but with no encouragement, I felt ridiculous and found I was now actively fending off several suitors who had no command of the English language. I know I have impossibly high standards, but being able to read, and write, and speak English is not negotiable. I would get emails to this effect, "what R U doin later." I suppose that would be acceptable as a text message, but not as an email. Whether it's stupidity or laziness, I'm not interested!

Next there was another woman who I'd corresponded with for a week or so, and we had determined we'd like to meet. We were in the middle of nailing down the where and when, when she stopped responding, just stopped! I waited a couple days, sent off a light reminder email, still nothing. Then I emailed this, "Hi, Are we done?" No response. I thought she died in a car accident or something. A couple of months later after meeting someone else, who I did decide to date, I was sending out some Thanksgiving Day e-cards and included the woman I suspected was dead in the list of recipients. She replied to the e-card this way. "Hi, I'm in a happy relationship now so please stop trying to contact me."

I responded, "Hi, I am seeing someone as well, I still wanted to wish you Happy Thanksgiving. My bad."

A month or two later, I saw her new picture and profile back on the match. Wow! It became obvious over time that a lot of the people on one dating service, are the same people on the other ones too. It also became clear that many of them are career daters. The same faces there literally for years. I started to make a game of matching them up with each other. Who are these desperate lonely women on a never ending search for love? I decided they were such a pathetic lot I preferred not to add my picture to their ranks.

I ran a profile without a picture for a while, and when someone responded, I'd ask to exchange pictures right away. After all, I'm not looking for an email buddy, I'm looking for a woman to have a relationship with. Attraction is an important part of that relationship. Some women would get offended by that, like it's crass, or superficial. Looks matter, anyone who says they don't is lying. Now I'm dipping my toe in the Chemistry.com site. I don't know if it's any different. It seems a little better, but I haven't joined yet. Just looking...Thanks.

10 comments:

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I hear exactly the same kinds of stories from women friends who are straight. Meeting people online can be very tricky as there are a lot of people of both persuasions who are not honest and trustworthy.

Good luck, Mojo, but be careful!

RED MOJO said...

heartinsanfrancisco, I think finding out whether people are honest and trustworthy takes time no matter how you meet them. I am really put off by the online dating machine. I would much rather meet someone in person, through friends or whatever. That's why I made all those resolutions about getting out more socially and expanding my circles. It's funny to me, I live in Northampton! The lesbian mecca of the east coast. If I can't meet someone here...?

kj said...

i'll be back! just back from quite a weekend. see yousoon...

:)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Um, yeah. My daughter went to Smith, and some of the best graffiti in the world graces restroom stall doors in Northampton.

There are just too many people trolling the Internet for someone to victimize. You have no idea who they really are, even with pictures which could be of anyone.

It's just not a good plan, and hardly necessary considering where you live, now that I know.

TheWeyrd1 said...

Hey girl...try www.plentyoffish.com it's free and has a great name for women seeking women, although it's open to all potential couplings (and then some now that I think of it). Anyway, I met a few nice gals.

RED MOJO said...

kj, Can't wait to see you again!

heartinsanfrancisco, I am moved that you are so protective of me. Thank you. You are right of course!

theweyrd1, ok. I mean, NO!!! Didn't you read heartinsanfrancisco's comments? What's wrong with you?!

maitre d'izzle said...

Hey! Very funny... but you know I flow with you humor...

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I don't like to see my friends get hurt, which has nothing to do with maybe needing some custom built-in bookcases at some point. :)

And of course I'm right. Music to my ears, hearing that.

CS said...

I agree with Heart, on-line dating is tough regardless. I have dated a few people from match, and it's been okay. But lots of pepole who just make me scratch my head - when a really conservative person wrote to me, for instance, or soemone 16 years older than me when I had specifially set an age limit quite a bit younger than that. Where I live, though, it's really hard to meet like-minded people.

RED MOJO said...

maitre d'izzle, Thank you, I can almost hear you laughing now. One of my favorite sounds by the way.

heartinsanfrancisco, I may be a smartass, but you are a wiseass, so I'll listen to you!

cs, I know what you mean. I had one 12 years older than my parameters, and lives in California "wink" at me! My God, how desperate would I have to be? Maybe we could meet halfway, in Arkansas?!!