Letter to Cupid...

Dear Cupid,

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you are a steaming pile of dung with rotten aim, or a vicious sense of humor. Personally, I'd like to you see take that whole pack of arrows and shove 'em, and you can do the same with your messed up little holiday too! Single people don't have enough days to feel lonely, depressed, and inadequate, we need a day that really drives it home, to truly make it fester, so we can wallow, and start looking for sharp objects to throw ourselves on, or worse, eat mass quantities of ice cream, or chocolate, or macaroni and cheese or any other food that feels like love while you're eating it, and turns to guilt, and then fat, afterwards.

Maybe I should've written you earlier with a specific request, or perhaps just expressing my desire for your attention would have done me some good. I'm willing to recognize my part in this. Maybe you thought you were done with me and moved on, but surely you knew there was a chance, that the married woman you hit with your arrow, would not dishonor her commitment, just to be with her true love, and I would be left alone with nothing, cold and lonely, and empty inside, like Larry Craig must feel when he lies down next to his wife each night.

I am willing to give you another chance, and this time please aim more carefully, consider... before you shoot, the outcome. Here are some suggestions that might help.

I'd really like something along these lines:













You know, intelligent, witty, fun to be with, healthy, spicy, creative, spontaneous, and gorgeous doesn't hurt. I realize this is late notice for this Valentine's Day, but if you could make this happen between now and the next one, that would certainly be a feather in your cap. If you are not so inclined, please follow the instructions in the first paragraph, and make it sideways!

Skeptically yours, Red Mojo