Sunday, April 6, 2008

Happy Birthday to Me


The 7th is my birthday. My family got together today for my birthday dinner. My mother who is an excellent cook makes whatever you request for your birthday dinner, and desert. It's been this way as long as I can remember. On the way to my parent's house my mom called me.


me: "Hi Mom, I'm on my way. I had to get gas."

Mom: "Oh, I thought maybe you'd got caught mediating."

me: "Mediating? Are Laura and Kevin fighting?"

Mom: "Yes, Kevin finally returned Laura's phone calls today...and...well, they both are at fault."


There's more of course, but I won't bore you with the details of what my brother and sister were fighting about, and how my parents got dragged into it.


First one wasn't going to come, then the other...drama drama more drama. They made peace in the nick of time, and everyone showed up for the meal. I was honored of course.


Well, this time for the first time ever, I left the meal up to my mother. "Surprise me!" I said. She made paella, which was wonderful, because she thought it would make everyone happy. My picky meathead brother won't eat a lot of stuff. But she knew he at least liked chicken. She also put in shrimp and turkey sausage, no mussels, I think I'm the only one that eats them. Well, he turned his nose up at it completely. Wouldn't eat any of it! Not even the saffron rice! What a dolt! She made a blueberry lemon cake with white chocolate frosting for desert, which was heavenly by the way. My parents disappeared into the kitchen to get the cake and coffee and when they got back they said they had an announcement to make.


"All future birthday meals will be eaten out at restaurants." You'd have thought the world just ended. My sister actually started to cry. My poor mother, she'll be turning 7o this year. She deserves a break. She knocked herself out on this meal and Little Lord Fauntleroy wouldn't eat any of it. What did they expect?


Since my sister was already in tears, my dad decided it would be a good time to give her career choice advice. She's always so open to suggestions, and currently between gigs. This went over like a lead balloon.


My brother bailed almost immediately, took his cake to go. I was saying my thank yous and goodbyes. My mother hugged me, and said, "Happy Birthday." I said, "You're kidding, right?"

We laughed, and I left with a whole quarter of the birthday cake. I drove straight to the home of the two skinniest lesbians I know, and presented them with the cake. They were happy to get it, I was happy to get rid of it, and we had a nice visit. Happy Birthday after all.


14 comments:

Baino said...

OH Red. It's nice to know that families all over the world have these dramas! I'm one of four. Try getting an overbearing sports freak, a neurotic sister in law, a hippy vegan, a totally materialistic sister and a bolshy leftist biatch (that would be me) together for a meal. Tears before bedtime, almost guaranteed. At least your skinny minnies enjoyed the cake. Happy birthday to you!

Oh . .for my brother's 40th I had a Manchester United soccer cake made. It was a replica of Eric Cantona's shirt and at great expense. It wasn't cut at the party . .he gave it to some obscure under 10's coach for his 'boys' to enjoy! Was I pissed . .you bet I was!

comfortandjoy said...

Happy Birthday, Red! I'm really glad you were born.

Ben said...

Hahaha what a birthday! Your mom's cooking sounds incredible though. I suppose you've got to love the intervention and feud components that seem to make a family stronger (according to Hollywood, at least).

Happy birthday again!

Slip said...

WTF is bro the baby of the bunch or does he just act that way? I would have eaten like I missed a few meals, it all sounded great. Better yet had Mom put the mussels in.

TheWeyrd1 said...

mmmmmmmmmmm paella! My mom makes that too. But then she's somewhat of a gourmet cook, though she claims she doesn't cook anymore. My favorite that she makes is Beef Stroganoff over Uncle Ben's wild rice...YUM. And for birthday cake, chocolate fudge cake with whipped cream style frosting...mmmmm.

Happy Birthday Red!!!

RED MOJO said...

baino, Yes, my family is right up there on the dysfunctionality scale. I didn't even mention the sister whose name we dare not speak!

cj, I can't tell you how much that means to me. (no sarcasm)

ben, Thanks again! My parents are awesome, my siblings...well, where's my martini????

slip, Yes. He came with step-dad. He's was raised by his mom, an only child, visiting our family on weekends since he was four. He's always been a pain in the pa-toot!

RED MOJO said...

theweyrd1, That sounds good too, I don't eat mammals, only fish and poultry.
Thanks for the birthday wish!

roro said...

Well, the DINNER sounds DELICIOUS and I got a little weepy thinking about lemon blueberry cake. These are the things one treasures. Happiest of birthdays to you!!

kj said...

i always like hearing how hard your mother and stepfather try to let you know how much they love you.....

happy birthday, rm. i wish you a wonderful year ahead.

RED MOJO said...

roro, Don't forget the white chocolate frosting! It was delicious! Thank you for your birthday wishes!

kj, They are the best! I can do wonderful! Thank you so much!

citizen of the world said...

Hmm, let me guess - your sibs don't read this blog?

And, hey! No fair getting birthday wishes on two blogs. Oh, okay - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

RED MOJO said...

cit, Thanks, no they don't! Not everyone reads both! :)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Your brother sounds like a real jerk, or at the very least, selfish and immature.

A good time was had by none seems to be the rule with family dinners.

I'm glad you were able to salvage a little fun on your birthday, anyway.

RED MOJO said...

heart, He's a banana alright! He's not a bad guy, but he says and does some goofy shit. Not savvy!