Thursday, July 22, 2010

The "Funny" Thing Is...

About five years ago, I made some major life changes. I quit my job with a company I'd been with for nine years, ended a relationship I'd been in for ten, sold my half of the house to my ex, and set off to the other side (the wrong side) of the country to start a new life, and a new business doing what I love. I was filled with unflinching optimism. I would be successful. I would find a woman, we would fall in love, and live happily ever after.

I had a lot of money, and my plan was to remain flexible, and see where life would take me. I wanted very much after working for years and never having a *real vacation, to finally do something I've always wanted to do, like take an Olivia cruise, or adventure trip. The problem was I had no one to go with me. Some of my friends suggested I go alone, assuring me that lots of women did, and that I might meet someone on the trip.
"Yes, I'd meet someone...from Montana!" I'd reply. "I'm not getting into some long distance thing!"

I found lots of ways to squander my money, bought third row theater tickets on Broadway three days before a show, bought my sister a motorcycle, bought myself a cool little sports car. A neat trailer for the trip across the country etc. The list goes on.

Those of you who read my blog know that things did not turn out the way I'd planned, as they rarely do. The funny thing is, now I'm living back in the house I no longer own part of, and I am in love with someone who lives in another country. See how I stuck to my guns on that long distance thing? But the real kicker is the money! I now have a dog that I rescued, who needs ACL surgery, which I can't afford. I need money for a passport, a visa, a plane ticket for both me and my dog. Money for all the medical he needs so he won't be quarantined, and enough to get my bankruptcy filed, so I don't have to pay the bank for the house I couldn't afford to keep. I owe my ex, and very good friend, an untold amount for letting me live with her rent free for a year and a half. I barely make my truck payment, and insurance, and phone each month, and was at the Coin Star Machine with my piggy bank just last week, so I could eat.

My girlfriend, bless her heart, has sent me a few bucks here and there when I'm in a real pinch, and she has also managed to save money that we'll need for a down-payment and first month on whatever place we find to live in, once I get to England.

The worst part of it all came Monday, when my sweetheart collapsed at work and was out cold for at least 15 minutes. She was rushed to the hospital, where they told her she had a migraine and sent her home, even though she has a history that includes a brain hemorrhage. They didn't do a scan because they don't give a rat's ass, and we can't make them care. She has used up her yearly allocation of privatized care with a shoulder injury, so now we need money to make sure she's alright, and can live until next year's insurance kicks in.

We are trapped apart from each other until I can sell my tools and whatever else I have left. I can't help her, or myself. I am cursed with hindsight, and spend the days agonizing over all the careless ways I threw my money around, like it was inexhaustible.

I guess there really IS no funny part! Sorry.

*real vacation: One you don't spend at home working, or going to visit family.