Stray Thoughts

Christmas is over, and the new year is nearly upon us. I spent this Christmas enjoying the hospitality of friends, as I am thousands of miles from my family. I had a much better time than I expected to have at both celebrations I attended, but what stuck with me was a conversation I didn't have with a very nice man, and why.

Is it just me or does everyone wonder why some people seem to refuse to curb their errant hair? If there is one thing I cannot stand to see its long flowing nose hair. The other things are ear hair that seems to be doubling as a wind sock, or eyebrow hairs several inches long... Really people, get a grip! Are you really that lazy, or just oblivious? Renegade hairs have always been a favorite pet peeve of mine. As far as your body hair goes, do what you like if I don't have to see it. Your head however is in the public eye.

The guy I was busy not listening to in the kitchen was blathering on about something or other, while I couldn't seem to pull my focus from his nose which had long straggly hairs on the bridge. He was so close to it with his razor only hours ago, yet there it was. As he spoke, I wondered if he felt it was a positive feature, or if he was afraid having a nose free of hair would make people regard him as effeminate, or possibly he'd be swamped by people asking if he was a swimmer. The other thought burrowing through my brain like an ambition drunk tequila worm was, How is that hair not in his field of vision? I know when I have even just a little flake of dead skin on my nose I can see it. This clump of unruliness must have had the effect of making everyone look as if they are sitting in a tuft of hair.

I began to wonder if its just me and my progressively pronounced OCD, or if it's a mystery to others as well. Then I remembered working with a guy almost twenty years ago, who had facial hair that grew clear up to his eyes, but he stopped shaving at the usual beard area, and let the hair above that flourish, as if someone had made him a template to follow years ago, and told him never to go outside those lines. That reminded me, I've always been this way. To the all the people who feel they should not disturb god's work, and let their hair grow wild and free, chances are good, I'm not listening to a word you say! Happy New Year!

My Blood Boilith Over...

The Green Card: How to get one. I thought the obvious solution was marriage. I was unhappy about the prospect of leaving California, but willing to make the sacrifice to be with the woman I love. I did some research and found this!

"Although gay marriage is legal in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont and New Hampshire starting Jan 1st of 2010, you are not allowed to sponsor a spouse for a green card unless they are of the opposite sex. "

Really? Is "WTF?" the proper response to that? I don't know how to react, I find I'm filled with rage! Is it just me?

I have to wonder why my girlfriend and I could live happily ever after quite easily if only one of us had a penis. Other than one of us having a penis attached, the options are; She could get a temporary work visa if her job skills are in demand here. Well, since no one's job skills are in demand here, and I've been out of work for about a year now, I don't see that happening.

The other way is political asylum. She would not have to prove the government was guilty of mistreatment, only that they aren't protecting her from abuse, based on her orientation. Seems difficult.

There is one other way they don't mention, but you have to have money. It seems a green card like everything else is easily obtained by the rich. If she bought a large enough share in an American company they would automatically award her with a shiny green card! However if we had that much money, we'd be shopping for a villa in Tuscany, so...who cares!

I believe the percentage of taxes I pay should be in direct proportion to the percentage of rights I have in this country. Why the fuck should my taxes be subsidizing a marriage tax break for people enjoying the rights I can't have?

This whole thing just seems ridiculous to me! *Storms off in a huff! *

A Letter To Ellen...(First Draft)

Dear Ellen,

You don't me, but I know you. I have fallen on hard times, but that's not new or unusual these days. I write because I have a dream, and I need your help making it a reality.

Some Background: About five years ago, I resigned from my corporate career to start my own business. I am an artist, and I'd finally figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up, or at least narrowed it down. I started my home remodeling business, but designing and building custom furniture, both free standing and built-ins was my passion. I moved from California to New England, where I'm from originally, because I had a big job there to start off with. I bought a house and built a workshop. Things started off pretty well. I got lots of referral business and repeat business, and it looked like I was going to make it. I don't have to tell you what happened next. I had taken on too much debt, and business ground to a halt. I lived alone with my dogs, neither of them had a job! The good that came out of it was I got to move back to California! The not so good, my house went into foreclosure, I had to sell my flawless Indian Chief motorcycle, and I went into a deep depression. My life's savings including my 401K depleted.

The Present: I have been back in Sacramento looking for work since mid February, and aside from a little home-handyman stuff here and there, I've found nothing. That's not why I'm writing you.

The Dream: I'm writing you because after 48 years of life, I have finally found the love of my life in Caroline Welsh. I have always believed in true love, and thought it must be out there somewhere, and now I know I was right. Here's where it gets sticky. Caroline lives in Cambridge, England. We are trying to figure out a way for her to come here and live with me. I would marry her, but it seems the people of California are not done with bigotry as the state pastime. For her part, she has quit smoking and uses the money she would have spent on cigarettes, on airfare to come visit me. We want to make a life and grow old together, is that asking too much?

The Shameless Begging: I know as influential as you are, there is still probably nothing you can do in an afternoon to make marriage legal for everyone, but maybe you could find a job for Caroline, so she can get her green card. She is currently a security guard for Huntsman International. She's good at guarding things, so maybe you need your studio, or parking space, or bike rack, guarded by a top notch guard. She's practically a ninja! A job for me as well, would be a bonus!

The Reality: Ellen, I know you'd help if you could, so please don't feel bad if you can't. I think you like helping others as much as I hate asking for help. If it were just me, I'd just take my lumps, but I'll do anything for the woman I love.

The Kissing Up: I'm a huge fan and have been ever since I first saw you do stand on HBO in 1989. You are so uplifting, and I watch you everyday while I get my exercise rowing on an erg. Keep up the good work!

Sincerely, Red Mojo

PS. Find a video I made for Caroline attached, with our heads photo-shopped onto your and Portia's bodies.

Does Everything Happen For A Reason?

Yes, yes it does!

No doubt some of you recall the post a couple months ago about hearts and women and opportunites thrown away or lost. At my lowest low I wrote a very funny, but very wise friend about my dilemma, and this was her reply:

"Just say no to anti-depressants. If you're torn between two women, neither one is the right one. Leave them both and drop the pills. This Dr Phil moment has been brought to you by Paxil."

I did not like hearing that at the time, but knew deep down that she probably was right. Since that time, I have gone off the anti-depressants and met the woman I intend to marry. This may be news to her, so baby, if you're reading this...wait! Come back!

Yes, I do believe that things happen for a reason. I do believe that my belief all these years in true love, was not in vane. I am happy! What I mean to say is... I AM HAPPY!!! I have found what I was beginning to think I never would. I am in love and it feels wonderful. I have no doubts, and no fear. Now all I need is a job.

Job Search...Ridiculous Add!

Here is the add as posted:

Painter needed for small 2 story home in north highlands. Home must be pressure washed, all loose paint scraped off with a wire brush and repainted. Exterior only. This is work for a licensed contractor. Flat price of $500 cash for the job. I will supply the body paint, trim paint, and $30 for tape, plastic, etc. All fascia, window and door trim to be trim paint. Must show proof of license and insurance.

• Location: North Highlands
• Compensation: $500 cash labor only flat rate
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

I am looking for work, and I do paint houses inside and out. Last summer for instance, I painted a 2 story historical home in Connecticut. I power washed, and scraped, and sanded, and primed, and painted, and had to hire a helper to schlep the scaffolding around with me, and feed the paint hose, etc. The customer bought the paint, I supplied the tape and plastic. And I charged him $10,000.00. That was a good price. This is joke! I responded to the add in this manner: Hi, I saw your add in Craigslist for a licensed insured contractor to supply all the labor to wash, scrape and paint your two story home. I think you might have forgotten a zero on the compensation, and may want to correct the add. If you have not forgotten a zero, I would be glad to do the work for you, but as well as supplying the paint and $30 for plastic and tape, you'll also need to supply the labor. If this is acceptable to you, please contact me regarding payment arrangements.

No Country For Old Men : A Review

(The fourth row: right right up right left up down down. )

This is not a timely review, just a review...mainly because, I feel like I have to say something!

Okay, if you haven't seen this movie yet, and you still think you want to, I am going to spoil the plot, but not the movie...that has been done for you already. I watched this film, mostly because of all the Oscar nominations, and found it...Unworthy!

Here is a partial write up by By Ilari Valbonesi on January 17th, 2008:

"The story begins when Llewelyn Moss (BROLIN) finds a pickup truck surrounded by a sentry of dead men. A load of heroin and two million dollars in cash are still in the back.
When Moss takes the money, he sets off a chain reaction of catastrophic violence that not even the law – in the person of aging, disillusioned Sheriff Bell (JONES) – can contain. As Moss tries to evade his pursuers – in particular a mysterious mastermind who flips coins for human lives (BARDEM) – the film simultaneously strips down the American crime drama and broadens its concerns to encompass themes as ancient as the Bible, and as bloodily contemporary as this morning’s headlines."

Well, maybe Ilari and I didn't watch the same movie. The money wasn't still in the back, it was really kinda far away from the whole mess of dead men, dogs and pick-ups.
The mysterious "mastermind" is a smart but awkward bad guy, often lugging around a giant cylinder of compressed air, who remains eerily calm during the whole thing, talking, killing, performing surgeory on himself...no emotion, no acting really, unless you count acting bored out of your skull like you're standing in line at the DMV, acting.

I must've blinked when the biblical themes came up, unless it related to how you're not supposed to kill...what's that one...?

The worst part was about three quarters of the way through the movie, the hero, gets killed. Maybe I like my movies too formulaic, but for me, when the hero dies, the story's over. But the movie went on. The sheriff discussed growing old, and the wife of the hero was killed, because the "mastermind" told the dead guy he'd do it, and didn't want to break his promise, I guess. Then the killer was in a car crash with someone who ran a red light, but paid a kid for his shirt, which he used to support his arm, and limped away before the police got there.
At the end the sheriff is telling his (I'm guessing here) wife, that he dreamt about his dad last night, he talked about the dreams...the end.

We are left not knowing what happened to the money. Wondering why the movie didn't end when it ended, only to go on to this disconnected stopping point. It almost felt like, they didn't really know how to end it, and someone working on a different movie walked by the room, and dropped some notes on the floor. Someone courteously retrieved them, but the rushing figure was already around the corner, out of sight, so they used what was there as the ending.

Maybe it was supposed to be more like real life then your typical movie, but I live in real life, and that's not why I watch movies.

The Small Print

This is an add for a dating site. This picture, under the heading: "Is She Out There?"

Wow!

Is She?

Good Add!

Makes me want to join!

Then you get to the part where it inevitably says something like, 'Not typical of the singles in your area' or ' Your results may vary' or 'hahahaha, gotcha!'

Oh well, good add though.