Mom, is that you?

Yesterday morning I had an admin day. I finished a big job on Thursday and had to make phone calls, pay bills, and of course like all good admins, stack wood! I was sitting on the couch in my P.J.s and my Dogs were out on the deck catching some morning rays.
My dogs bark at every car and walker that passes by the foot of my long driveway. They put me on full alert when someone new even enters the zip code, so I don't pay much attention to the frequent half-hearted rounds of territorial barking, but then they went code red! I got up and walked out onto the deck and saw a van pulling up the driveway. One of those metallic green Dodge Caravans that half the population owns, one exactly like Mom's.

Hmm, I Wonder what Mom is doing here so early, and unannounced, I mused. The van pulled up and parked sideways to the deck and I saw an elderly woman in the passenger side window. That's odd, I thought, Mom wouldn't bring someone up here without warning me. Then the side door swung open, a gaggle of well-dressed old ladies peered up at me through five sets of thick glasses. "Hello. We're bible teachers!" the closest one yelled up. By this time Cody, my twelve and a half year old, cute as a button, yellow dog who has never bitten anyone, had reached the driveway and was heading toward the van, still barking.
"Stay in the van!" I shouted holding out my arms to emphasize the point. "I wouldn't want anyone to get bit!" They eyed Cody nervously. Winston, my ninety pound Newfie mix, who can't use stairs, but they didn't know that, was barking from up on the deck.

They continued to shout from the van, something about confidence, when I yelled back down, "I'll vote my confidence. Thanks, have a nice day! Peace be with you!" They got the message, slid the door shut and retreated. I wondered if it was possible that someone who read my Sarah Palin post had called (1-800-Bible-Thumpers) and sent them to save me. In my opinion it was the dogs who saved me. All those years of buying kibble finally paid off!

Oh Gina!

See more Gina Gershon videos at Funny or Die

Snort! giggle, this is good!

It Had to Be Done

I don't usually get all political on this blog, but I'm scared. Yes, I'm truly frightened by Sarah Palin, to my core. I know that I am not saying anything new here, but I can remember clearly back in 2004 thinking...There's NO WAY that idiot is going to get re-elected, and here we are. Our country is in the worst shape it's been in since the depression.

Palin made an interesting statement the other day about how everyone who wanted to vote for Hilary could vote for her now, and they'd still be voting for a woman. My God! Glenda and the Wicked Witch of the West were both women too. Interchangeable? I don't think so.

I also have a fondness for the statement, "We're fighting God's war!" A religious zealot is a zealot no matter what religion! You've got to be joking me. Are we seriously considering putting this puppy eating, Bambi shooting, ex-beauty queen into a powerful political office? An office second to the presidency, with a crusty old guy about to keel over any minute? Do it, and watch all the gays who so quickly registered for marriage licenses and domestic partnerships get herded up and sent of to the gas chamber as another part of "God's war". Yes, I'm talking to you, Gay Republicans!!! Wake up! Before it's too late.

For more of my opinions on this subject, given in a funnier way, by a more intelligent and better looking woman, click Susan Norfleet's link there on the right of my page.

Don't forget to vote, like your life depended on it!

If you are unfamiliar with Sarah Palin, let me introduce you:

Important, wise words...Subject: Eve Ensler on Sarah Palin

Eve Ensler, the American playwright, performer, feminist and activist best known for 'The Vagina Monologues', wrote the following about Sarah Palin.


Drill, Drill, Drill


I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.


I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.


But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.


I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.


Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, 'It was a task from God.'



Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not.



She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.



Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.



Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.


Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.



I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.



If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, 'Drill Drill Drill.' I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.



Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?





Eve Ensler

September 5, 2008

A New Rant:

Is there some reason why my post has to begin halfway down the page?

I know I've been gone for all of August, but have I really missed that much?!

A friend of mine recently made a comment: She claimed to be apoplectic about Sarah Palin and wants to volunteer for Obama -- in a red state.

Naturally I ran straight to the dictionary to see what the hell that word meant! These are the actual results.

8 results for: apoplectic

Browse Nearby Entries

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - Share This ap·o·plec·tic Audio Help /ˌæpəˈplɛktɪk/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ap-uh-plek-tik] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–adjective Also, ap·o·plec·ti·cal.

1.	of or pertaining to apoplexy.

2.	having or inclined to apoplexy.

3.	intense enough to threaten or cause apoplexy: an apoplectic rage.

–noun

4.	a person having or predisposed to apoplexy.

---

[Origin: 1605–15; <>apoplécticus <>apopléktikós pertaining to a (paralytic) stroke, equiv. to apóplékt(os) struck down (verbid of apoplssein) + -ikos -ic]

Now maybe it's just me, but that didn't help me much. Weren't we told in school that you can't use the word or form of the word in the definition? WTF kind of definition is that? It's like saying:

Rhythmic: Having rhythm. Or Hatred: Hating someone or something, to hate. To be hateful.

I was finally able to pin the feeling I was experiencing toward the dictionary definition down. I was apoplectic about it!

***Okay, When I previewed my post I saw the reason why I couldn't start my text at the top of the page. There was a freaking add running there. On my blog post! I didn't put it there! Has this happened to anyone else? What is going on?

Red Mojo's Rant: The Bank!

You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille...

I sold my beloved Lucille in order to avoid setting up shop in a cardboard box just down the street from the enchanting but foul smelling turrets lady downtown. I sold her on eBay (the bike, not the turrets lady) and a very nice firefighter from a neighboring state won the auction.

Although he was very excited about getting such a great deal (approx. $6,000 less than I had invested in it) on such a gorgeous bike, it took him over three weeks to come pick it up and pay for it. Meanwhile, my money stress was growing with each passing day. I would wake up in the morning and run to the window to see if my truck was still in the driveway!



As payment, he gave me two certified bank checks, one for around $3,000 from his credit union, and one for around $12,000 from the bank that issued him a loan. I took them to the ATM, signed them, and deposited them immediately, it was close to 2:00 when he finally left. I figured since they were bank checks they wouldn't take long to clear.
The following Monday I transferred the bulk of the money into the account I pay things out of, and started electronically making payments. A week after I had made the deposit I saw the money get zapped back out of the account I'd transferred it to. Everything was about to hit, and the money was gone! I transferred the money back, sure that if it hadn't cleared when the transfer went through the first time, it would be cleared now. The time frame on an out of state bank check is "up to " 5 days.



The next day, six banking days after the deposit, the check still hadn't cleared. The seventh day, I went to the bank. They said the check was lacking a signature. I'm the only one on my account, I protested. They went and got a copy of the check, it had my name and the guy's name who gave me the check! His name shouldn't be on there! I felt stupid for not noticing that it was, but here's the kicker. The bank pulled the check the day after I deposited it. That was Thursday. Friday was a holiday, so it went out in the mail on Monday, and was mailed to my business address, a UPS box I only check if I'm expecting something.



"When a certified bank check for $12,000.00 dollars doesn't go through, you guys don't make a phone call? You just put it in the mail? Didn't it occur to you that there would be things coming in against those funds? That's a lot of money, it's not like it was a personal check for 50 bucks! Now there are all kinds of returned check fees, insufficient funds fees...is this how you guys make your money?! If someone had notified me on Thursday, maybe I could have done something to cover this, and I certainly could have taken care of it by now!" I said with my teeth clenched and veins popping out of my forehead, and sweat forming a glistening coat all over me!



"Come back on Monday, and you can sit down with a customer service rep. and get all the charges taken care of." the teller said, trying to calm me down and get me to leave peacefully. I did, but I really must write the rant!

The Closet Doesn't Fit Anymore!

Back before Stonewall, and even after for many years, "gay" was barely visible. People worked hard, some very hard at hiding their true selves from the world. Why? Discrimination. A known homosexual could be fired, denied housing, bashed, beaten, or raped and no one would bat an eye. Often gays would be identified by other gays hoping to throw suspicion off of themselves. The old pot calling the kettle black thing.

Anti-discrimination laws don't exactly protect us, but it was a step in the right direction. I grew up in a time when being gay was still considered deviant, sick behavior by most. We didn't have gay characters on TV, with the possible exception of the spineless traitor Dr. Smith on Lost in Space, but we never really knew for sure. We didn't have pride parades, or community centers, or websites, or movies, or dating sites. We did have unmarked doors down dark alleys that opened to the secret world of lesbians or gays, or sometimes both. They were usually located in undesirable parts of town, and were subject to raids and other forms of harassment.

Many gay men and women married, to throw others off the scent. Then had their secret lovers discretely on the side. Today, this is certainly no longer necessary. Gay folks are more visible than ever, and while we are still fighting for equal rights in every state in this country but Massachusetts and California, we have made great strides against the fear and ignorance we faced just thirty years ago.

When I was in the military, I had a marriage of convenience myself. This was the only way I could live off post. I had a girlfriend, and sneaking her into the barracks was more than a little risky. I married a gay guy and was allowed to live off post. Breaking this ridiculous rule seemed justified to me. I wasn't even supposed to be in the military, and could have been dishonorably discharged if anyone could prove I was gay. It would have been easy to prove, but no one was really trying.

This weekend while in New York, some friends and I had dinner at a nice restaurant on the Hudson river. There were six of us total, three guys and three girls and I would say it was not a secret to anyone nearby that we were all gay! I saw a woman at the end of the bar giving me the once over more than once. I met her eyes, and smiled politely. She was quite attractive, and did a little check to make sure her pockets causing any unsightly bulges in her tight fitting black jeans, then looked back to see if I was still watching her.

Friend: She's straight!

Me: No she isn't.

Friend: Yes she is. She's married. She and her husband own this place, and you should see him. What a flamer!

Me: She might be married, but she's not straight! We just had a conversation with our eyes, and this is not my first time on this ride.

Friend: Ha! No, you could blog about that!

Me: Shut the fuck up!

The woman came over to our group and introduced herself, standing right by me, and shaking my hand firmly. I think I was the only one out all six, she hadn't already met. She asked if we'd like to sit outside, if we did there would be a wait, or inside. If we wanted to stay in the bar she could seat us now, and she'd prefer to be able to "keep an eye on us" she said looking directly at me when she said it.

We did sit in the bar, but I gave the woman no encouragement. I would not want to be the discrete lover a married, in the closet woman, no matter how attractive she might be. I'm sure there must be a reason for the arrangement, but I would not want to live in her world. I am out and plan to stay out. I'm here, I'm queer, and I don't care who knows it!

Red Mojo's Rant: RMV

Every time I have to do something at the Registry of Motor Vehicles, I am completely and utterly astounded at how difficult they make it for you to be legal here. Although I have many horror stories to tell, I will limit myself to my current plight.

Let me start by saying I'm self-employed and the precise flow of my income is not always predictable, or within my control. A while back I had less money than I needed at bill paying time, so I paid the most important ones first. Well, my bad for not putting auto insurance in that pile, because when I went to pay it, two days after the due date, I was informed that my insurance had been canceled. The bill was $211.oo How could you cancel me just like that? I've been a good customer for years, isn't that a bit harsh. That's what the state makes us do, automatically when it goes past the due date, explained my insurance company.

Ins. Agent: "We can reinstate you, but we need the whole year up front, that would be $1958.00 "

Me: "Oh, is that all! Well, if I didn't have $211.00 two days ago, what makes you think I've got a couple thousand extra just kicking around today?"

Ins. Agent: *crickets*

Me: "So, that's my only option, all or nothing?"

Ins. Agent: "yes, that's what we are required to get once you've had your policy canceled, it's that way with all large companies."

Me: "Well, I don't have it, for you or anyone else. Thanks for your time. Bye."

I receive the notice from the RMV that my plates all need to be turned in immediately unless I can show proof of insurance. I can't, and I don't. If I can't drive, I can't work. If I can't work, I can't pay for insurance or anything else. What am I supposed to do? I know if I get caught driving on dead tags, they'll impound my vehicle. I risk it. I have to, I have no choice. I'm like a freaking criminal in the state of Massachusetts now, all because I was two days late paying my insurance bill! It's incredible.

It's always completely blown my mind the penalty for not having enough money is, a fine. You don't have what you owe, pay an additional fee. The poorer you are, the more they take from you. How is that okay?

Today, I finally had enough to go to the insurance company and bleed $1958.00 dollars on them. Then I had to go to the RMV and give them a check for $100.00 to get my tags re-registered. They did that and gave me my re-registration paperwork, and away I went. When I got home, I noticed the registration expiration date for the truck was already past. I remember trying to renew my registration on line, but of course it didn't fly because the tags were dead. I couldn't believe they let me walk out of there with an "expired re-registered registration"!

I went on line to try to renew and I got an email back saying, Sorry, you can't renew that registration on line.

I called the 800 number which put me in a voice system that never gave me the option I wanted, so I hit 0 and it started over. And it kept starting over and over every time I pressed 0. Well, as is my nature, I got frustrated and hit 0 about 50 times, and as silly as it sounds, that little temper fit, got me exactly what I wanted. I was now on hold for a representative. I waited a long time, and finally got through. After explaining it all, I was placed on hold while she called the location I had visited today. She came back and apologized that they'd missed that and said she'd take my payment over the phone, so we did that. Now, if I get pulled over, I'll still get a ticket for not having the sticker, but my vehicle won't be impounded for not being registered! I guess that's as happy an ending as I can get for $2,100.00 and half my day. And, I was happily informed that if I wanted to blow another work day out my ass, I could always contest the ticket.