Words Have Meanings - Pay Attention! or My Latest Greatest Annoyance!

 I posted this in a note on facebook and they removed it, that's when I remembered, I have a blog!  lol

 I have been reading a lot of news items from both South Africa and Russia where the term "corrective rape" has been used to describe the rape of a known lesbian.  I have something to say about this.

  I'm sure some sick, twisted, ignorant, soul-sucking rapist may think that he is helping to enlighten his victim, or "pupil", righting a wrong in some way through his abuse, but rape is the most humiliating, damaging, violent attack you can perpetrate on a woman.  If the woman happens to be lesbian, perhaps even more so, yet after she picks herself up and brushes herself off, I'm sure that in zero percent of cases, she slaps her hand to her forehead and exclaims, "So that's what I've been missing!  I've wasted all those years!"

  I would like to see journalists start using appropriate adjectives when describing rape, such as brutal or vicious.  It is not until the rapist is thrown in prison and his cellmate Buba, thinks he's purdy, that the corrective rape occurs!

  Thanks for reading

I Thought It Was TRUE Love!

  When I met the woman I am now married to, three years ago this month, and fell head over heels in love with her, I thought I had finally found true love.  I was right!

I have been living in England with my wife and our two fur-babies, Winston and Frodo, for 15 months now and I have not adapted well.   Things are small here, really small, a 4' x 8' room in the U.S. is a walk in closet, here it's a bedroom, or if you're living high, an office!  Cars are smaller, roads are narrower, parking spaces are tiny.  Neighbors practically live on top of each other and everyone hangs out their clothes.  

I have great disdain for washing lines, especially one that wants to stretch across my tiny garden.  The plumbing is ancient, separate hot and cold in the kitchen sink!  The cottage where we live has a tiny kitchen.  It's what I like to call a one-cabinet-kitchen, for obvious reasons.  All the appliances are half the size I'm used to except the toaster, a slice of bread seems to be the same everywhere you go.  

I don't have a car here, but "we" do and my wife needs it to get to her job which is far away.  I was able to drive it for the first year, but now I need to take the driving test here, and pass to get a British driving license in order to be legal and insured.  I've been driving and had my own vehicle since I was old enough to drive.  It's a huge lifestyle change to lose that ability and freedom.

Needless to say, I complain and grouse a lot about almost everything, and my wife reacts by doing everything in her power to make me happy, get me what I need, fix all that she can.  She takes me where I need or want to go without complaint.  She brings me flowers, and brags about me to all her friends.  She is everything I'd hoped she'd be and more.  I am miserably the happiest woman on earth!  She puts up with a lot and I owe her so much more than constant whingeing.

There are a lot of good things here too, but my gorgeous bride takes the cake!

Our "Abusive" Link

   It was recently brought to my attention that our facebook link, the one that includes our website address for donations towards my travel expenses to England, was reported as abusive by an empty headed socially inept retard!  This sterling individual does not have the brains god gave a tick, or they would have been aware that they could simply hide our posts from the feed by hitting the confusingly named "hide" button when accosted by our irritating and annoying link.
  The part that gets us, is we stopped playing Mafia Wars and got rid of all the people we thought we didn't know, or didn't consider "friends".  Oopsie, guess one or both of us missed one discrete, hateful, malicious, foul smelling, ugly bedraggled slag!   We request that the scum sucking oxygen thief please come forward whenever you are finished ridding the world of nasty emboldened homosexuals in need of help, so that we may treat you with the appropriate level of contempt.  We would like to present you with a plaque for your tireless efforts in proving yourself to be a colossal thundering fucknugget!  If you lack the moral fiber to take ownership of your handiwork, at least have the decency, and I know that's asking a lot, to remove us as friends, and go forth in short jerky movements.

People Can Surprise You!

Lately I've had some rather heated interactions with strangers... I know I'm frustrated and stressed out, but I wondered what I'm putting out into the universe to deserve the kind of reactions I've been getting.

I was at a quick stop type gas station recently, and when I went to pay at the pump, I was asked to swallow a 45 cent "convenience" fee on top of paying for the liquid gold I was about to pump. I was not impressed, but decided to authorize the charge anyway. I chose my grade, pulled the trigger and nothing came out. Was I supposed to lift a handle, push another button, do the hokey-pokey?...I could not find anything I'd missed, but still, no gas.

I walked across the parking lot and inside. I complained to one of the clerks behind the counter that the gas wouldn't pump, and I felt I should be reimbursed my "convenience" fee, since coming inside to pay, was what I'd paid to avoid having to do!

He was very condescending, and said he'd come out to see what was wrong, so I don't need to get all upset over nothing. He repressed the button, inserted the pump, squeezed the trigger and the gas started to flow. "See, nothing wrong. You were all upset over nothing. You need to calm down." Telling me to calm down, has the same effect as setting my hair on fire. He started to walk away and I pulled the trigger...nothing.

"So, what's wrong now?" I said, "Did I hurt it's feelings?"

He came back tried again, and this time it didn't work for him either. "Nothing...right? Can you at least admit that there is something wrong with this pump, and that charging me for a convenience I did not get is wrong?" I chided.

"You can't go around getting ALL upset at people just because you're having a bad day!" he sneered as he fiddled frantically with the trigger. The gas started to flow once again. "There!" his snotty tone rang out, "I'm not here to pump your gas!" He began to storm away again.

Once again, I attempted to resume pumping gas, and once again the pump did not work. "Clearly it's broken" I shouted after him, he was a good 30 feet away from me now. "I'd like my convenience fee back!"

He wheeled around just outside the door of the store, and began to yell at me from across the parking lot about how I'm a bitch and should take my business elsewhere etc. etc. Everyone at all three islands had now stopped what they were doing, and were looking and listening to him, and me. I hung up the pump, started the bike, and rode off, all while he was still yelling.

Then, about a week later: I had been parking my truck a few streets away for about a week, until I had the money to make a payment, and call the bank to set it up. It was "Out for repossession" and losing it would completely hobble any ability I have to make money. I found a place that was discrete and not in front of anyone's house. It was beside a fence, and I was still using it, but I had to make a short bike ride to and from the truck when I did. It's not an old broken down clunker, it's in very good condition, but it is large. One day, I went to go get it, I was putting my bike in the back, when the woman who lives across the street from where I was parking it, drove up unrolled her window and said, "You've been dumping your truck here in front of my house, and you have Massachusetts plates, and they're expired, so I called the police, and they're going to come give you a ticket."

I didn't realize the tags has expired, but I replied, "Where do you live? Over there?" I pointed to where I knew she lived. "Yes" she snapped back.

"And you own this property over here too?" I inquired.

"No, but you've been dumping your truck here, and I reported you!" She said so snottily, I almost offered her a tissue.

"Well, that was nice of you." I replied. "You have a great day!" I said with more sarcasm than is allowed by law.

"I reported you!" she regurgitated. She pulled away, and I, hoping she was looking in the rear view, flipped her off.

I left upset and feeling like if this is how my day was going to be, I might as well just go back to bed. I began to think about what would have happened if the police had gotten to the truck before I did. They would have impounded it. I would not have been able to afford getting it out of impound, as I'd just given all the money I had to the bank the day before, so they would stop wanting to take it back from me. I would have been out the payment, and still not had a vehicle. I would not have been able to deliver the furniture I'd been working on for weeks, and would have had no way to get materials for another project. All I could think about was what a fecking busy-body ball-busting bitch she was! How was my truck parked across the street hurting her? How great must her life be, that that is all she has to worry about? But then I thought, how empty and crappy her life must be that she has to create drama, and try to hurt others to make herself feel better, and I decided that feeling sorry for her was more appropriate.

Anyway, after having some rough interactions and losing a measure of fondness and respect for my fellow humans, troubled by what an ugly place the world has become, I created a website to shamelessly beg for help in my quest to get to the one human I hope to grow old with, and much my surprise and delight, people have regained my faith. People I have never met in person, and a few that I have, have seen fit to contribute to the noble cause of helping two people who love one another overcome financial obstacles, and start their lives together. We have had the website up for less than 48 hours, and have already made $128.00, 9% of our goal! I am so glad that I decided to give people the opportunity to shine. What has really been surprising is that the people who have the least, are the ones who've been giving the most! It's an amazing phenomenon! I'm not one for asking for help, and it does not come naturally, or comfortably to me, but for some things, it's worth going outside your comfort zone.

If you would like to track our progress, or make a donation, I have put a link up in the sidebar! If you'd like to check out the website, go to ( http://gettracytocaroline.weebly.com ) I ask you to give if you can, and only what is comfortable for you. At this point we've had 21o unique visitors to the website, and if everyone who visited had given just $1.00, we'd be almost double where we are. We appreciate any gift, and will undoubtedly send wedding invitations to all donors! If we hit the lotto, we'll send plane tickets too!

The REAL Letter to Ellen...

I had to condense my original letter which was pretty nice, down to 1500 words or fewer, that includes spaces! So...Here is the abridged version that I actually did send to Ellen today. There was a "Dear Ellen" at the top, but I had to cut it! LOL

Four years ago, I had it all. When the economy went down it took me with it, my home, my business, everything. Since then, I have fallen in love and become engaged to a wonderful woman, Caroline. She lives in England, and I am in California. She can’t live here legally, but I can go there. I am working hard to make that happen, and although things are tough, I have received a lot of help from my friends.

Elizabeth has let me live in her home, and sacrificed half her garage to let me have a work-shop for the past year and a half RENT FREE, and I feel my debt to her is enormous. I often think “there but for the grace of god go I” when I see homeless people.

Tauni spent $600 on veterinary care for my dog Winston, to get him what he needs to be able to travel to the UK without being quarantined for 6 months. She has also hired me to do some work for her, and insisted on paying when I’d have done it for nothing.

Faye and Sarah have sent me $200 American cash, through the post from England so that I could get my passport application in, and I never asked them for a thing. They are both currently unemployed, and with two kids, six cats, and a dog, it might as well have been $2000!

Even though my life is really hard right now, between Caroline, and my friends, I have never felt so lucky! I am going to find a way to get to Caroline, and marry her, but if you could help me thank the people who’ve given so much to help me, it would be incredible!

Kindest regards, Tracy

The 5th C

Some of you may recall, or may have to go back and read my post about The Four C's. These were determined by a very happy long-term couple I know, as the key ingredients to a successful relationship. They are Communication, Compatibility, Chemistry and Comedy. I have met my match, and her name is Caroline.

It was exactly one year ago today that I met the woman with whom I plan to spend the rest of my life. Well, technically we didn't really meet. We had been interacting, checking each other out, looking through pictures, and flirting on facebook for a bit, when on this day, the 4th of August, we both decided we wanted something more. We began a simultaneous pursuit, we both seemed to feel this pull, or push, or some kind of force driving us toward each other. It was the beginning of the serious 'let's get to know each other' phase. I like to think that we both knew that the other was destined to become important in our lives.

Although we are having a hell of time merging our lives, it is a fight we are both fully invested in, and we will not stop until our goal of marrying, and living together full time, is achieved.

Our story: We met on facebook playing a game called Mafia Wars. We both joined a group that was created to help gay people who play MW meet and support one another. We were both fairly new to the game and were trying to invite as many people as we could to join our mafias, to try to reach the magic number of 501. I noticed her profile picture, and went to her page to check her out. She was definitely cute, and her status was "in a relationship". Awww.... too bad.

A few weeks later, she posted pictures of a new tattoo she'd gotten, a tramp stamp, my favorite! She took the photo in a mirror, in her underwear, so you could see the tatt. I clicked on the picture, again drawn to the eye candy...I clicked through her photos, she was so my type! Then I got to her profile, and her status had changed to "single". My heart skipped a beat. I didn't think about the fact that she lived in another country and we had an ocean between us. I immediately went back to the picture of the tattoo and the adorable butt, and left a comment about how nice it was, and how I liked the tattoo as well. There was a period of flirting that followed, and she seemed very keen on returning my attention. I had started a second account, so I flirted with that one too, and even though I hadn't tried to hide the fact that both were me, she didn't seem to realize it at first, and she was not as flirtatious with the other me, which made the real me pretty happy. Do you follow?

Finally the day arrived that we began to inbox, and exchanged emails and began the real process of getting to know each other better. Since then, we've laughed a lot, determined in person that our chemistry online was not limited to cyberspace, discovered how much we have in common, and that we can work through difficult issues. We've enjoyed over 623 Skype hours, 3419 emails 655 text messages, a bunch of IM's and phone calls, and here we are, more in love than ever! Happy Anniversary Baby!

The "Funny" Thing Is...

About five years ago, I made some major life changes. I quit my job with a company I'd been with for nine years, ended a relationship I'd been in for ten, sold my half of the house to my ex, and set off to the other side (the wrong side) of the country to start a new life, and a new business doing what I love. I was filled with unflinching optimism. I would be successful. I would find a woman, we would fall in love, and live happily ever after.

I had a lot of money, and my plan was to remain flexible, and see where life would take me. I wanted very much after working for years and never having a *real vacation, to finally do something I've always wanted to do, like take an Olivia cruise, or adventure trip. The problem was I had no one to go with me. Some of my friends suggested I go alone, assuring me that lots of women did, and that I might meet someone on the trip.

"Yes, I'd meet someone...from Montana!" I'd reply. "I'm not getting into some long distance thing!"

I found lots of ways to squander my money, bought third row theater tickets on Broadway three days before a show, bought my sister a motorcycle, bought myself a cool little sports car. A neat trailer for the trip across the country etc. The list goes on.

Those of you who read my blog know that things did not turn out the way I'd planned, as they rarely do. The funny thing is, now I'm living back in the house I no longer own part of, and I am in love with someone who lives in another country. See how I stuck to my guns on that long distance thing? But the real kicker is the money! I now have a dog that I rescued, who needs ACL surgery, which I can't afford. I need money for a passport, a visa, a plane ticket for both me and my dog. Money for all the medical he needs so he won't be quarantined, and enough to get my bankruptcy filed, so I don't have to pay the bank for the house I couldn't afford to keep. I owe my ex, and very good friend, an untold amount for letting me live with her rent free for a year and a half. I barely make my truck payment, and insurance, and phone each month, and was at the Coin Star Machine with my piggy bank just last week, so I could eat.

My girlfriend, bless her heart, has sent me a few bucks here and there when I'm in a real pinch, and she has also managed to save money that we'll need for a down-payment and first month on whatever place we find to live in, once I get to England.

The worst part of it all came Monday, when my sweetheart collapsed at work and was out cold for at least 15 minutes. She was rushed to the hospital, where they told her she had a migraine and sent her home, even though she has a history that includes a brain hemorrhage. They didn't do a scan because they don't give a rat's ass, and we can't make them care. She has used up her yearly allocation of privatized care with a shoulder injury, so now we need money to make sure she's alright, and can live until next year's insurance kicks in.

We are trapped apart from each other until I can sell my tools and whatever else I have left. I can't help her, or myself. I am cursed with hindsight, and spend the days agonizing over all the careless ways I threw my money around, like it was inexhaustible.

I guess there really IS no funny part! Sorry.

*real vacation: One you don't spend at home working, or going to visit family.